INTERLUDE - AUG. 13
Time for some reflection:
Once again I am sitting here, completely solitary. This is of course my own fault as after Nancy's death I isolated myself, first because I was devastated, then because it simply became easier to immerse myself in my paintings, sculptures, wood work, music and books. I have one great friend in Eddie Vos from Sutton, Quebec, who visits at least twice every week and without his incredible friendship I would have become completely lost by now.
Yet, after the first four weeks of daily hospital visits for radiation treatments or chemo therapy for advanced stage cancer of the Esophagus, it would be nice to have someone to speak to when needed, if even just by telephone. Loneliness is almost as bad as the specter of possibly incurable cancer. But I created this environment so I best learn to live with it.
On the plus side, I have a great young hound named Hope and my favorite cat Brownie, great day and night companions and a source of joy but also of concern: "What will happen to them if things do not work out for me...?"
In starting to write this autobiography I had a simple goal: Rather than dwelling on the prospects of an uncertain future, I decided to rejoice in re-visiting the joys and failures, small triumphs and real or imagined tragedies of the past 71 years and I m actually enjoying this task even in the realization that few if any will ever read it. I have no claim to fame, have done many things and left many tasks unfinished. No monuments will be erected nor memorial plaques placed and this is as it should be. My upbringing and education afforded me often more opportunity than I deserved or was intelligent enough to grasp when I had the opportunity. But I had fun sailing good boats, flying fine aircraft, racing mediocre cars (at least they matched my driving skills), writing thousands of newspaper stories long forgotten and loving those few women in my life that cared to love me back. Hopefully my art will survive in the homes of people who bought it or to whom I gave some pieces.
As for me - I am going back to school: I donated my body to the University of Vermont Anatomical Gift Program, thus in the end I shall be recycled and no one will have to fuss or pay for a cremation.
I will simply be gone quietly and hopefully in the end with the same dignity I have tried to muster for most of my live.